Is there a meaning to life?
Personally, I just believe that life's meaningless.
We, being human, do not have the capability of knowing,
Or grasping the complexities of the universe and existence.

Yes, there are stars and galaxies expanding into infinity,
and there are many beautiful and wondrous things,
In this realm of 'existence',
But what ultimate purpose does it serve?
Why is it here?
Does it have any meaning to it?

Maybe I'm being too cynical,
But it saves a lot of time to think like this,
Instead of going through a whole lifetime of religious
And spiritual nonsense to come to some great awakening
Or understanding.

Life's just random events, choices, effects.
No meaning at all to any of it,
And then you die and it carries on without you.

However

A philosopher once jokingly said:
The world has spawned us to create
The only material that was not present on Earth before:
He made plastic!

Some might argue that we are here,
to give names and purposes,
values to things in the universe,
to experience the universe.

Without awareness, a rock would simply be,
an unnamed mass of particles, no significance.
But we are here, we called it a rock,
we can give it a purpose, we can give it a meaning.

We are the creative energies of the universe.
Most people divide the self,
And the universe as two different things,
But we are just as much an incarnation of the universe,
As the things around us.

If the universe is god, divine, so are we in part, god, divine.
We are the universe.
We are the universe that experiences the universe.


So am I being just too cynical to say that life's meaningless?

I'm wearing thin...
Wearing out...
Becoming weak...
Holding hands with this rope...
She's my self destructive...
Bleeding disease the thing that makes it hard to breathe...
But if i shoved you far away...
This addict just starved again...
Asphyxiated...
And now I see its you that's tearing me, ensnaring me...
This is me dying in your arms...
I cut you out, now set me free...
Lynched high above what used to be...
In this tree she built for me...
So I escaped and cut this noose around my neck...
I break free to see the things you blinded me...
And I shoved you far away...
Now I live the life I dreamed of...
You're dead to me...
You poisoned my life...
So I take this knife...
And I cut you out...
Cut you out...

Could I?

Yes, it would seem to you as I am yet just another human being on this planet.
But to few others I may mean something...
And for that I am very grateful..
I laugh, I cry, I love, I hurt, I hate, I am happy, I am miserable...
I have feeling just like you...
No one is better than anyone else...
No one is worse than anyone else...
Age represents your experience, not your maturity...
My main flaw is that I am an idealistic perfectionist...
I wish to find peace of mind...
I wish to be content...
I wish to find my soul mate...
I wish...

I hope I can stand steady on my feet from now on...
They used to say I was down to earth..
but I was just trying to escape in worlds that don't exist..
I agree..
I just hope that I would know where I belong now...
I fear of having to stay here my whole life...
This place stinks and is nothing compared to what I know..
Take me away... please...

Losing everything?
Don't I realize it?
Am I too stupid to realize it?
But I always lose everything.
I always do.
I always do.
I always do.
why do I always lose everything?
Rethorical question.
Don't even need to be answered.
Cos I know.
It's just me!
How I wish I don't fucking exist.

gdluck and i'm glad for u.

Just for this post, nothing negative. (for ShiMin and everyone else who is sick and tired of me)

I was bored and naturally I blog-hopped.
It's interesting to see what people write on their blogs.
And how different all these blogs are.
While I whine about how my life's such a bitch.
And being as self-centered as I am.
I love those blogs that make me temporarily forget that the world doesn't revolve around just me.
And take me away from myself.
So to those bloggers, thank you.

Been watching quite a few movies lately.
Not necessarily in the cinema.

"Click"
It was quite a tear-jerker like Terence said.
But I still don't think it's a good movie.
I would have liked it to end when Adam Sandler died.
Rather than making the whole thing to be a dream.
It's the easiest and most unoriginal way to save a failing script.

"Hard Candy"
I love the theme of this movie.
A 14 year old girl holds hostage of a grown-up man and tortures him.
Sounds cool, eh?
It was a pretty decent movie purely basing on the fact that it's fresh.
Other than that, this movie does nothing for me besides helping me get through 1hr 30mins of my boring night.

"The Devil Wears Prada"
A pretty decent movie.
I like the simplicity of it all.
Meryl Streep is great.
Anne Hathaway is good.
Not bad.

"Proof"
A rather bland movie despite good acting all around.
Hm. I still think there's something missing in Paltrow's performance.
She always doesn't capture me in any films she's in.
She has no spark.

"Elizabethtown"
Disappointing.
And Orlando Bloom in American accent?
The music's good.
And that's all for this movie.

"LoveWrecked"
My first chick-flick since "Mean Girls" I think.
Predictable. Formulaic. Over and done with.
But it's fun.
Amanda Bynes adorable.
Not bad.

what u expect from a film student? ;)

Ive said everything that I could have said.
Being as selfish and as immature as I am.
I just can't help it.
It's just me that everyone has to deal with.
Sorry for all the troubles that I've caused you.
And thank you.
You've helped me see and realize things that I used to refuse seeing.
Thanks and Sorry again.

Sometimes I wish I could be open and lead a happier life.
a not so complicated life.
But then I know all of these are just BULLSHIT.
I've been so comfortable being myself.
I've been so comfortable being the way I am.
It has just become me!
Sometimes I told myself that I want OUT!
But then it was also becos of me that I'm always like this.
I'm so used to be like this.
I'm just too used to it to want a change.
I'm fucking fooling myself when I said I want a change.
I'm fucking playing my own mindgame.
What game?
What if I lose? or win?
What do I get out of this?
Such a retard.
Such an asshole.
Such a loser.

Supposed to sleep...
But I thought I'll just write something first...

You are the only person who could have affected me...
Every gesture you make...
Every move you make...
Every word you said...
or things that you didn't do...
You are just too visual...
I can't put you aside or throw you behind...
What can I do?

I really don't care about how I feel...
or what i do...
I'm so over the fact to pity myself...
Yet, when I try not to pity myself..
Others are affected...
They are the one who suffer?

I feel you...
How I wish things could have worked out the way you wanted...
I just hope that you know things happen for a reason...
And both sides are responsible for everything that has happened...
Don't think too much...
Because sometimes things aren't as bad as what we usually think they are...
GIve it time, things will work out fine...
Till then, cheer up. =)

Sorry is all I could afford...

How I wish I could be someone else...
To be someone that I'd love to be...
I'm on my way to...

Blood has been spilled...
Just leave me be...
Or kill me now...

YOU!
Who am I talking about?
Who am I referring to?
YOU!
I wish I could say it out....
I wish I culd tell everything...
YOU!
I wish I could make you understand me..
I wish I could...
YOU!
But it's because of you...
I am who I am...
I just can't...

I'm pushing your limit...
I'm not getting what I want..
Yet I can't blame you..
Cos you don't even have a clue...
If this continues...
I'm gonna lose everything that I have...
But do I have other choices?
I'm sorry...

All I want is for me to be your object of insane desire...
Just like you are to me...

what if i said i miss u too?
would u believe me?
or would u think that i'm a liar?
what if i tell you i tried...
but things just don't go our way...
it's too tough sometimes...
i tried to be visual...
i tried to be there...
but there is no need for me...
i can't betray anyone any further..
i have too many victims under my belt...
i can't add anymore to the list...
it's just not right...
i know it's tough...
could u forget me?
could u just move on?
what if we can't move on?
are we gonna stuck like this forever?
it has taken its toll...

the first...
she's gone...
here i am stuck in the sunny island...
the memories i had on her still with me..
but her existence is vanishing...
is that a good sign?

the second...
i wish u know how tough it is for me to have u as my victim...
but i'm glad u understood...
ur existence is still with me...
and i know it is a good sign...

the third...
i just wish that we did not meet like we did....
things could have been different...
there are sooo much we could have done...
but now.. we're just stuck like the way we are now...
and i don't want you as my victim....

the fourth....
if only our personalities matched up...
if only i'm not myself...
we could have been what we hope we could be...

the fifth...
i just couldn't say "no"...
i just could not..
i have tried my best..
i tried everything..
but u r just there....
RIGHT THERE....

"i love you"