Dance classes have started.
My Love and Here We Go.
Cool choreos.
I like both of them pretty equally I suppose.
Maybe I'm just more excited by the fact that classes have resume.
And that it feels so much like last time.
Excited about new choreo.
And do it again and again just to get it right.
I like that feeling.
Although, there's no Wilbert standing beside me this time around. :p
Now I have the super irritating XuanFeng beside me. Grrr...
But it's been fun so far. =)

You.
As the day passes.
I just wish we could have spend more time together.
And I really do mean spending time together.
Although I'm extremely freaking happy with this already.
I guess I'm just asking for far too much.
But I love you so much.
So so much that sometimes I can't even think properly.
I know it's just the beginning.
There'll be a long long way to go.
I know that.
I hope for that.
And I want that.

And here i go again.

For the first time, I'm extremely proud of Clement.
He's definitely the most hardworking NRA members ever.
He is going to do so many performances during Red Camp for NRA.
How can u not be proud to have a friend as hardworking as he is. :)
Lol. U know I'm joking dude.
If I can do it, I wld have done it with you. :P

Von is still as song as usual.
She was so song that when she called us across the stairs.
We ignored her and she walked away.
Then she said I ah-pek.
But it doesn't quite matter because she's like the most song person ever.
Have fun in the office and enjoy the free food later. :)

Finally I get to see Ariel today after I think is 2 weeks.
Unless we did see each other, but then it feels like we didn't.
Good to see you.
Although you kinda rushed off right after dance.
But it's okay. cya soon. =)

I also get to see JJ today.
Terence and I were laughing at her when she walked into the studio.
She said Hi and with the most song face, she pinched her nose.
Because she has flu.
Take care. =)

And I get to see yet another person today, Suraiya. =P
cya soon again.

Orange and I were playing "Vampire Vampire game".
And it was totally fun.
And I just realized my chinese wasn't tt bad afterall. :)

Bec have some bandage on her ankle.
So I guess she must have injured it cos i didn't get a chance to ask her.
So take care k partner. Cya soon also. :)

PeiYi is confused.
She said she's confused. So I accepted it. =P
But I'm sure you'll get out of it.
With or without my help. Gdluck for the performance tmr.

I just realized how straight Terence's hair actually is.
It's like so fucking straight.
It feels like he rebonded his hair.
But forget that. He's still as excited as ever.
And that dream. Bohoo...Cry Me a River, bitch. =)

Xiang gave me a left-over piece of cake today.
But it's okay. I ate it and I still shared it with him.
It's all because it's Jaei's birthday today.
So not caring about Xiang, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAEI. =)

Daph looks good dancing "Here We Go Again". =)
And ChienYen is still too tall. So I still dislike her.
Alex loves lying on the floor, curls up his body and rocks.
Nexa has some affection for some very questionable group.
Willie's laptop can't connect into NPNet. =X

That's it, folks.
I have a performance tomorrow.
So wish me luck.
I'll blog about my luck soon. :)

And I love you.

Firstly, it's been exactly 2 weeks since our production.

Von has gone for interviews after interviews wearing the most 'outrageous' outfit that I've seen or I'd rather not see again. :p
Ok. I'm joking.
But after months of lazying around at home, she finally got a job.
Good for her. lol. =) congrats and gdluck later.

Our beloved Ann's birthday has passed and she's engaged.
Congrats and I'm always around if there's anything going on. Lol.
Ok, I'm joking again. I'm sure you'll be happy and I want you to be. =)

Clement is doing god-knows-what with PeyChee.
Either he is genuinely wants me to have some space.
Or he has totally forgotten about me. =S
lol. Ok, I'm joking again. I just wish I could wipe that grin off his face.
He's been so happy and he keeps smiling daily that I just want to flatten his hair.
=)

PeiYi was busy singing yesterday.
She was also busy with her lions, snakes, iguanas and turtles a few days ago.
She was also busy with her Nike shows a week ago.
And I have no idea what other things she's busy with.
But of course, she will always stop for bubble tea and some good food.
=)

Terence is busy with his Monkey Business Competition.
And his Lychee Tongue. =X
ZiXiang is busy with his other-half and Monkey Business Competition too I think.
Lol.

I've missed Allegra, WangQin and Deline.
And I got to see all of them yesterday.
=)

Orange is still coughing a few days ago.
I hope she's feeling better now. =)

Daph's busy with her website that I totally love.
It's so emo. Use more black and red, girl. :)

Chien Yen totally embarassing herself yesterday at AGM.
But it was fun and she's fun.
But she's so tall and fair
I don't like her. :P

Ariel is busy with her free movie tix.
That she didn't offer me. :(
lol. Ok, I'm joking again.
Class starting tmr And I hope I can see you soon. =)

Suraiya is busy with dunno what too.
She had Marche a few days ago.
I wish I could have Marche too.
And I told her how weird I am.
I don't know why.
But I'll know it when I'm ready.
So thanks. =)

If I didn't mention you doesn't mean you're off my radar.
I miss you too. And you know it. =)
Love all of you.

Today.
I'm happy.
Happiest I've beeen in a long time.
And it all thanks to you.
Everything about this is awesome.
Totally loving it.
It will work.
It will work.
It will work.
=)

Sometimes it amazes how life works.
When you think you could never find anything else.
Anything else that's worthwhile.
Anything else that makes you want to actually live.
The most unexpected thing happened.
All my life, I have been what I am.
Everything that everyone has known me for.
Yet, things always don't work out for me.
And I could never get an answer for it.
Simply because I've tried so hard.
But nothing comes out of it.
And it always leaves me wondering:
Why am I still here.
But like I've said,
the most unexpected thing happened.
And I begin to wonder.
Is this a new beginning for me?
After continious mishaps in my life.
Is this the turning point for me?
For the better?
It's different.
Yet it's so comforting.
It's unexpected.
Yet it's so comforting.
I was confused.
But I hope I could get out of that stage.
Because I think this is worthwhile.
And if I have my courage,
I want to go for it.
I just wish it would work out for the best.
And I hope you feel the same way too.
You make me happy all over. =)
So my secondary school, Monk's Hill has officially closed down.
I wasn't there to attend the lowering-flag ceremony or wateva it was called.
But I was there to meet up with my secondary school clsmates.
Whom I have not seen in ages.
It was pretty fun.
There were so much catching up to do, yet so little time.
Lydia, Lucy and Junni were there. Haven't seen them in ages. I think. :p
Wham's there. This guy still cracks me up.
Phyoe who 'refuse' to even say hi to me during my production was there.
I guess he'll never change, will he?
Except, it's great to see him having a girlfriend.
Then, he doesn't have to bug me any longer. :p haha. Joking, duck.
Barry, Joshua, Darren are still the same old.
Barry said he misses all my sarcastic remarks.
And I warned him not to wish for the wrong thing.
Because he might regret it once I'm in my Barry Bashing mode. :)
Lissa. Eileen. Stephanie. ALl still look the same.
The rest of the guys are still like that.
Didn't have much time to catch up.
But it was great seeing you guys again.
AND DARIUS!!!! I WANT to see you.
I'll make time and u better too. =)
Missing Boon and Manisha though.
Miss ya guys. ;)

Another round of mega-picture post.
All these pictures taken during "Step-Up" outing.
With Alfred.Kenneth.Lavanya.ShaoMin. :)


^RONNIE, my hair's a mistake that day. DON'T LAUGH AT ME ANYMORE. THANKS :)


^Lav & Me.


^Me, ShaoMin & Kenneth. I like this picture. :)


^what are they thinking? :p


^Lav & Alfred.



^Self-Indulging has never been this fun. :)


^The Freds.


^Kenneth & I. :)


^Alfred with his Green-Tea Frap. urrgh.. tastes like sea-weed. :p


^Kenneth and I were posing. But he wasn't in the frame. I didn't mean to. Lol. It just happens. :p

All these pics are taken during my Drama Pro shoot. :)


^Lady of the house, Chia Sin & I. :)


^love this pic. :)





^The only reason I made such an effect on these pictures is because I was particular with the lights. Lol. It makes me look 'retarted'. lol. so i darken them. :P

Firstly, I don't know which part of me agreed to help PeiYi with her work.
So here I am at 2am, still stuck doing her lions, snakes, iguanas and turtles.
And while I was trying to do as much as I could for her,
My clsmate msged me and asked "are you studying for the quiz?"
Then I realized I'm screwed.
I totally FORGOT about the quiz.
And I so proudly and happily told Alfred that I have nothing to do just now!
And I took about half an hour to read through the notes.
Because I want to continue with what I have planned.
The Mega-Picture Post!
Here it goes...

NRA Danzation 2006:

^Yay. A kiss from Ann made the whole "journey" worthwhile eh. =)


^My Mary J partner. :) Love ya, Bec!


^the irritating and the cool Freds. You know which is which. =)


^The Freds and JJ. love this pic. ;)


^The Freds and Rebecca (Freshie). And she's nice enough to post it up for me on friendster. Thanks. =)


^The Freds and freshie. I don't know her name. =(



^ The Ai Rus! I love the 1st pic. :) and the 2nd, no comment. :P


^Nexa and Me. Love this pic as well. It's "All About Us". hehe. =)


^The Freds and uncle Alex. and he insists he's 1 yr older than me only. =)


^The sleepy head and the cool. =)


^The uncles. =) Love ya, Alex.


^Me and my "Best-friend stealer". Lol. Kidding PeyChee. Love ya. =)


^The Mary J dudes. And I can't stand that ball. Oh, it's Clement's hair. moving on... =P


^ Me & Mae. =P Hope to see you around. ;)


^WangQin & Me. (Deline at the back) love 2 of you. =)


^WangQIng, Ter & I. <3


^ PeiYi & I. love this pic as well. And no ur hair's fine. =)


^Ronnie, Me and ALfred. That's the hair that I want. =P





^ Me & Them (Victoria, Jac, Mich, ShaoMin). And all these thanks to ShaoMin's cam. =)


^Me and Them Part 2. =)


^Suraiya & I. =) you're an awesome person. love ya. ;) cya around


^Ai Rus! I looked good Thai-style. lol. =P

Anyway. That's it folks for the Danzation. If you wondering why I took pictures with u guys yet they don't appear here. That's because I still haven't gotten pictures from these people: Orange (her lappie crashed), Deline, Ariel, WangQin, Thomas, WILLIE(!!!!), Hannah, and dunno who else. So for the other VIPs namely: Clement, Ter, Von, Allegra, Deline, WangQin, Ariel, SeowTing and lots more. Sorry. =)

Will have another mega-picture post soon for my "Step Up" movie outing, The Vivo outing (once I get from Bjon and Deline) as well as my drama pro shoot. =)

As for now, chaoz. ;)

A MEGA-PICTURE POST is coming up!

Friends.
What would I be without them?
My friends' been awesome.
They have given me more than what I could have imagined.
They have provided me with more than what I thought I would get.
They have replaced all my uncertainties and loneliness with love.
What would I be without them?
But the selfish me.
The self-centered me.
I always have to ruin things that I love.
Why?
Simply because I always overlooked things that are right in-front of me.
Not that I don't appreciate.
But I was too concerned over myself, over things that are related to me.
That I always looked pass what I should have.
And I hate myself for that.
I want to change.
I seriously do. And I will.
For the sake of myself and everyone else that I love and those who love me.
What would I be without them?

Friday.
Friday's awesome.
Before the movie was awesome. :)
Alfred. ShaoMin. Lav. Kenneth.
Watched "Step Up".
No matter how much I love dance.
That movie sucks. I'm sorry. But it does.
With the exception of the leading lady.
She's awesome.
I love her.
After movie, we hang out.
Take pictures.
Alfred's hogging ShaoMin's camera.
And you know what happened when he has a cam.

Saturday.
Drama Production Shooting.
It went pretty well.
ChiaSin.Deborah.Don.2Talents.
The only production shoot that I enjoyed.
Hope the footages are good enough for Don to edit.
Went for supper after the shoot.
Then we just chatted and chatted.
It was seriously fun I suppose.
First time I talked to them for so long.
I guess I've missed things that I might have enjoyed.
But it's alright la.
I like this feeling now and then.
=)

I got so many pics that I wanna show.
But I'm just too lazy to post them up.
=)
Anyway, my pics are all over. Lol.
I'll take some time to post them soon enough.

It will remain whatever it has become.
I will not let it go on.
I will not let it continue.
It will stop devouring everything that I've worked so hard for all my life.
I have no idea what came into me.
I don't even know why do I do what I do.
But I tell myself.
No matter how difficult this might be,
I will fight this.
Unless of course, I could get an assurance.
Which is wearing thin every single second.
I just can't see it.

I still ask myself why do I do the things that I do?
Maybe because I found something back.
Something that I've lost ages ago.
And I missed it so much that I let go of everything and go for it.
Thinking back, I couldn't even believed myself.
I can't believe the risk that I've been keeping inside for all my life.
Is coming out just because of a slight difference in attitude.

To you who used to be in my life so freaking long ago.
Why do you leave such a deep scar in me.
Why do you still affect me.
The reminiscences that you left.
That will be with me my whole life.
You fucking ruined my life.
You've tortured me when you're in my life.
And you continue torturing me even when you're out of my life.
And there you are, moving on with your life. I suppose.
For all my life, I wish I have the chance to say this in front of you.
Even till now,
I wish you would appear before me.
And I could from the bottom of my heart.
And with all my courage, strength and everythings else I have.
And say:
" I HATE YOU & BURN IN HELL"

What is this?
What the hell is happening?
I hate the feeling of being left clueless.
Yet here I am.
Completely clueless.
Why?
Where does this "courage" comes from?
I have never in a million years would have thought I would do this.
I just don't wish to be totally crushed again.

Would I regret this?
If you ever think that I'm ignoring you.
Please don't think too much about it.
Because the problem doesn't come from you.
It's all me.
It has always been me.
Selfish.
Self-centered.
I will try.
All I could do is try.
But please.
Don't ever leave me alone.

Confused.
Afraid.
Yet Happy.

What's going on?
Tell me pls.

Firstly: I love you ANN!
I really do.
NRA Danzation 2006 is over.
And I'm so glad that the production is a success.
It is a success not because the audience enjoyed it.
Although that's important.
But ultimate I think it's a success because we have achieved what we want to achieve.
At least it is for me.
From the start, this production has been a challenge.
Items after items, Ann keeps pushing me to my limit.
She keeps challenging me with more and more.
Because she believes in me.
She believes in me when I don't believe in myself.
She continues believing in me even when I'm about to give up.
She continues encouraging me even when I screwed up.
She continues putting her best effort even when I choose to let go.
She continues to choose to educate me even when I ran away.
What more could I ask for?
I cried for tons of reasons.
But ultimately, the tears goes out to everyone who makes this possible.
Especially to Ann who has gone out of her comfort-zone in doing her best to allow us to grow and shine on stage.
What more could I ask for?
Yes. I know I've been extremely dependent.
If I were to be thrown to the outside,
I know I can't survive.
Even with her countless assurance that I could do it.
I can't.
Simply because I'm too dependent.
Am I proud of it?
No, I am not.
But she has brought me this far.
As far as I'm concerned,
as long as she is still here with me(us),
like she whispered she will.
She will always be my mentor.
She will always be the one that I'm looked up to.
She will always be the one that I come whining to.
She will always be the one that I come looking for answers.
And I know she will be there when the time comes.
So what more could I ask for?

Thanks to everyone else that makes this possible.
The people I've worked closely with.
To Allegra & Wang Qing:
Thanks for helping me grow.
You have no idea what went through my mind when I find out my partner would be the two of you.
But I'm glad I was given this opportunity. :)
To Rebecca:
Simply for the sheer joy of being your partner.
We may be the clumsiest couple in Mary J.
But at least we enjoyed ourselves.
To all my other amazing friends/dancers:
Thank you very much.
I've been a pain in the ass sometimes or most of the time.
But I know you guys still love me.:)
Cos I love all of you.
To all those who came to support me:
You know who you are.
ANd I'm glad you guys realized and understood the things that I do.
ANd I seriously would love to catch up with all of you.
Thank you.
To you:
I've been enjoying myself the past week.
I have no idea why.
maybe because I've found something that I've long lost back.
For now, I'll just let it flow.
And see what happens.
Thank you.

For those that I might not be seeing till the dance classes resume.
I'll see you in 2 weeks time then.
Take care.
:)

Why can't I just let it go.
Why can't I just be like anybody else.
Why do such feeling always comes back.
Always comes back to haunt me.
Again and again.
I've just survived one.
And I seriously hope I wouldn't have to endure it again.
Because I seriously have no idea if I could take it.
I don't know if I could survive this time around.
WHY??????????????????

I have no idea what the hell am I doing seriously.
I can't think properly.
I can't rationalize things.
I don't even fucking know what the hell is in my mind.
So I'm just totally screwed.
If I don't know what the hell am i thinking.
Then who would!!!!!
WHO WOULD?

I've come to accept lots of things.
I've come to accept all the changes in my life.
I've come to accept things that I can't last time.
I've tried my very best to just be satisfied with everything.
But I can't accept when I totally lose myself.
When I don't know what am I doing.
When I don't know what am I saying.
When I don't know what am I thinking.
I just can't accept that.
And right now.
I totally hate it.
I have come to a point where I can't accept myself.

2 more days NRA Danzation!
I hope things will work out just fine.
And I would never let anything to affect me for this day.
Not even YOU!

Our production is 5-days away.
I am worried. I am nervous.
Yet I am excited as well.
A part of me feels like this has been something that I've worked for.
That I have worked extremely hard for the past few months.
And it's time to just let it all go.
And get the result.
Positive or Negative.
Another part of me just wants it to end.
To end something that I have enjoyed, yet extremely 'bothered' about.
5 days later.
Two extremely amazing shows. (It will be!)
I'm ready to move on.
Move on to something new.

So I watched "The Prestige".
Was it a good movie?
I guess it was okay.
I wasn't totally blown away by any aspects of the film.
Plot. Acting. Cinematography. Costume. Set decoration. Etc.
The twist was alright.
But it definitely wasn't a bad ending.
I guess it just something that most films do.
They build up the tension to the extreme high.
But have no idea how to end it.
It just seems off. Planned. And rushed.
And both mine and Alfred's name was in the movie.
Playing the same character.
And that was a spoiler.
Sorry
:)

Where do this leave us?
I wish I know how to continue from here.
I guess I do know.
But what's holding me back is fear.
Sorry for being weak.
But I WILL NEVER let go of things that I think is worth it.
I WILL NEVER.
I'll assure you that.
Let me find my courage.
And hope things will work out.
I just hope it won't be too late.

I just realized I haven't been updating.
Was super busy.
Taking dance aside, I'm trying hard.
Trying hard to get on track academically.
I can't afford to brisk through my life as a student.
Because I know I would regret it.
Trying my hard to be as attentive as possible.
And just keeping in time with everyone else.
In terms of projects, assignments, involvement, etc.

The past week have been a mixture of everything.
Sadness. Anger. Happiness. Disappointment.
I have felt everything in just a week.
Sometimes I guess human is just too fickle-minded.
ALthough I am one. But I totally hate it.
I wish things would have been as simple as it used to be.
But that will never happen.

You.
You have no idea how much you could have affected me.
Simply because I looked up and respect you so much.
So much that sometimes the things that you say/do.
Or the things that you don't say/do could have killed me.
I'm sorry for being selfish.
I'm sorry for being immature.
I'm sorry for being such a retard.
I'm sorry for being such a bastard.
I'm sorry for being such a asshole.
But rest assure that you will and have always been.
The best "mentor" I have ever had.
I love you so much.
You have no idea.

If I could allow my emotions to take over my logic.
I guess we wouldn't have to end up this way.
Give me some time.
I just need to find that courage.