Dance.
The control of your body.
The fluidity of your movement.
The strength of your techniques.
The extension of your lines.
The sensation of your expression.
The feeling within your soul.
I love to dance.
I need to find my way back quickly before I lost it.
Simple because I love to dance.
And I miss "dancing".





Ignoring all possibilities.
Lost.

I usually don't expect alot from anybody.
Simply because I was extremely afraid of the expectation that others have on me.
Yet.
As many of you guys know that I'm easily affected.
By anything and everything.
Simply because I fear being left clueless about myself.
I broke down.
Not because I was angry.
Not because I was sad.
Not because I was frustrated.
Not because I was "wronged".
I broke down.
Simply because I can't take the doubts that people have on me.
Are they wrong?
No, they are not.
Yet, I was trying hard to convince myself on the choices that I made.
And having it doubted, I just couldn't take it.
I'm sorry for not being as strong as I seem to be.
I'm sorry for not being as strong as people thought I am.
As much as I know this is not going away anytime soon.
But I'm positive no matter what it is.
Life goes on.
It always does.
That's why I am still here after all these years.

On a happier note.
School's ending.
Although I still have tons of projects that I need to hand in.
I'm not going to let that bring me down.
Because after next week.
I'm gonna be so free that I wills tart irritating every single one of you.
=)

Pictures.




Old pics.
But seriously, I have sooooo many pictures being sent to me almost everyday.
It's hard to even keep up with it. Lol.
More pictures coming up from BA Charity Concert. =)

I used to blame being myself when things go wrong.
It was easy to do so.
Simply because I refuse to accept the fact on the possibility of life.
Everything that I thought was the cause of my messed up life then.
Wasn't what I thought it should be.
Damn. How wrong I was!!!
Thinking back, I hate myself for doing the things that I did then.
Simply because I refuse to rationalize.
And simply use "It's just me. There's nothing I could do about it" line.
I'm glad that I could finally see through this.
And in return, be more assured of who I really am.
And how I might want my life to be.
Yet on the other hand.
I'm stuck.
Not knowing where to actually go from here.
The person that I thought I was.
The person that I thought I am now.
The person that I thought I would be.
Are all totally different.
What can I do?
What should I do?

To everything that we were.
To everything that we used to be.
To everything that pulled me back from all the emptiness.
To everything that make me realize who I might want to be.
I'm glad to have u then.
Although things didn't work out as you hope to be.
Although things didn't work out as I hope to be.
I'm satisfied.
I'll accept whatever that is going to happen.
Simply because I refuse to believe there's anything more worthy than this.

It's weird how one thinks sometimes.
I could never have guessed what would come next.
But then I guess who could, right?
There wouldn't be excitement and anticipation if one could predict what comes next.
Yet, deep in my heart.
I wish I have that special power to do so.
As of now.
I have no expectation.
And I totally mean it.
It's so tough to hold onto something that you are so uncertain of.
But I am now willing to take all the consequences and accept that.
I just do not have enough courage to face disappointment again and again.
And by doing so, I really really hope I could achieve that.
All I ask for is to lead a life that I am uncertain where it might be going.
Yet a life that I live for at that very moment.
It's too time-consuming and energy-draining to seek assurances.
As of now.
I don't need any assurances.
I won't have any expectations.
I just want to live my life as peacefully as I possibly could.
I can't take this anymore.
And I don't want to.
And I won't have to.

As promised.
Some pics taken during Mich's Birthday Dinner:










There are more pics taken during BA Charity concert.
Will post it up once I got them.
For now. I'll leave u guys with this.

Sorry Terence.
I just have to.
=)

Not looking forward to this week at all.
It's going to be super hectic.
With dance and shootings on the weekend.
It's crazy.
In addition, most of my projects are due next week.
OMG! Someone kill me now.
I guess I just have to survive this next 2 weeks.
And I could party after that.
I can't wait.
YAY!!!!

I used to doubt myself on alot of things.
I used to be extremely critical of myself.
It gets to a point that I'm not at ease with myself.
I can't accept the fact that I felt unworthy of being who I am.
It's weird how life works sometimes.
People always ask me:
"Don't you feel lonely living along?"
"Won't you miss your family?"
It gets to a point that my asnwer is fixed.
I don't even have to think about it.
Yet. When I go back.
Alone in the middle of the night.
Those thoughts will then come to me.
Am I actually lonely?
The truth is no, I am not.
I have you.
I have awesome friends.
And I know of many amazing people.
I guess it's just the feeling of having to be independent.
Having to do things on my own.
But I ain't complaining.
Because I'm starting to love my life.
I begin to see the whole point of being satisfied with what I have.
Be happy and live with it.
How about you?

I guess I would have tons of photos to look through.
And edit. And maybe post them up here.
Once I got the pics from ShaoMin taken during Mich's birthday dinner.
=)
As for now, I'll leave you guys with this:

2007 has been pretty good so far.
And surprisingly,
I have been quite at ease with myself lately.
I do things that I want to do.
I say things that I want to say.
For that matter, I don't quite give a damn about alot of things.
About what people may think/say.
About what I think is unncessary for me.
Especially when I'm on my way to finally be able to see myself.
For the first time in my life.
I am actually genuinely enjoying myself.
And I starting to realize and understand myself as a person.
Although I find it extremely shameful to have to take 21 years.
To finally find a peace of mind and accept myself.
But it's better late than never.
And I'm extremely thankful for that.
To finally be able to accept my existence.
The existence that I have longed for for my entire life.

I realized putting in a little effort in everything that you do,
Could take you to places that you think you would not reach.
I haven't been catching up with alot of people lately.
But is it because I don't care anymore?
If you think so, then so be it.
But if that didn't cross your mind at all.
I am proud to have you as a friend.
It's a nice feeling to be able to talk to someone out of the blue.
Without having to 'plan' the conversation.
And just talk about anything at all.
Like I did with Daphne a few days ago.
Like she said, we both love our dramas.
LOL.
And it's such a nice feeling talking to someone like her.
Although, we don't really chat about such things often.
But when it comes, theer's always this stange feeling of satisfaction.
And I really hope I could get such feelings often.
Cos I totally love it.

Anyway, pictures time:
...IT'S ALL ABOUT ME...

RANDOM PICTURES


^What???!!!???


^Drink it all up! :)


^This was then.... Ariel's Birthday! =)


^Light me up!


^Flashback. Lissa's birtday celebration. :)



^Why do these seem so negative now? =(

That's it for now peeps.
Tons of projects to do.
Will update again when I have the time.

I'm sorry.
Cos I know you don't deserve this at all.

2006.
What a year.
There are so many things happening.
That I don't even know where to begin highlighting from.
It makes me feel as though I have lived my whole life in a mere one year.
The first half of 2006 have its fair share of ups and downs.
Things that I won't be proud of in the future.
Things that I won't want to repeat ever again.
Things that if I have a chance to change, I would.
The second half of 2006 was much better.
With Danzation and you.
And everyone else who makes my life worth living.
However.
I would also like to apologize to anyone whom I may have unintentionally hurt.
Being the selfish me.
Being the self-centered me.
Being the messed-up me.
I'm sure I have caused some harm/damage to some of you guys.
And from the bottom of my heart.
I apologize.
Especially to my family whom I have neglected the whole year.
I'm sorry for not making enough effort to spend time with you guys.
But everything that happened has happened.
And I'm ready to move on and looked pass everything.
And be ready to open a new chapter in my life.
And starts 2007 fresh.

So here comes 2007.
No resolution.
But I just wish this year would be a much better year than the last.
What more could I asked for?
I just want to live my life in ways that I thought I wouldn't be able to.
I don't want to be who I used to be.
I wish I would be able to pass all of that.
And to finally see who I am.
By accepting everything about me.
And find peace of mind.
And be at ease with myself.
I'm on my way there.
And I hope I'll finally reach where I hope I would reach.

To you.
I have no idea what have I done to deserve you.
But the fact is that you are now a part of my life.
For the first time, I could clearly see the road in front of me.
For the first time, I've decided to not be devoured by emptiness.
For the first time, I've felt in ways that I never have before.
2007 would be the best year if you are to continue being in my life.
Thank you for everything.

To you.
If only I'm not this messed-up boy.
If only I'm not this selfish boy.
If only I'm not this self-centered boy.
I guess we wouldn't have to end up this way.
There are no explanations that could get us through this.
Simply because I can't.
And will possibly never be able to let myself go.
Sorry.
And thank you for being part of my life.
That I would remember forever.

To you.
I will never forget the times that we were together.
You have been someone whom I could talk to.
More than anyone else.
I'm grateful to have you in my life.
Thank you for everything.

To everyone else.
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
And let's rock 2007 together.
=)

I promise pictures will be up soon.