Maybe I haven't really been living my life.
Maybe I haven't really do what I want to do.
Maybe I just do what I should do instead.
I can't seem to get myself.
To really search deep within me.
And get the most satisfied answer ever.
But I always fail.
I can't even come close to achieving it.
So all these 21 years.
What's my life all about?
What a waste of land.
What a waste of air.
What a waste of space.
I can't even find my footing in this world.
The world that has so many great things happening.
The world that has so many awesome and smiley people.
The world that has so much mystery left to be explored.
I guess I've just been living my own life in my own world.
The ignorance on the existence of life.
Will ultimately be the reason why I crash and burn sooner or later.
All I could hope for now is that it would be later rather than sooner.
I'm still hoping..
I'm still wishing..
But you, I and everyone knows that it is not enough.
For this seemingly 'perfect' world.
A world that I so longing to be a part of.
Yet I can never will.

I just want to find myself.
I've wasted my 21 years for that.
Yet, I'm still a soul-less creature walking on this land.

Everyone yearns for their own love story.
A love story that could stand the test of time.
A love story that could be their greatest memory.
A love story that could always bring smiles to their faces in the future.
Whatever it is.
Love is a part of life that so many people yearn for.
Yet noone really know what the heck it really is.
It just amazes me how people fall in and out of love so easily.
I may not be the most qualified person on such matter.
I don't have to be.
Love is never about feelings.
Because feelings fade.

It takes me great effort to not think about what we used to have.
As of now, I'm really not focusing on being able to get back to where we were.
I'm not even sure what I want.
Although time and time again, I know it's over. It's all over.
I eat it up. And face it.
Telling myself.
Why waste the effort?
Why can't I just stop it to make you all the better?
I wish I could take all the pain that you're in.
I really do.
But I guess I'm just helplessly selfish.
I want you to know that I care.
Yet I know that would be the last thing that you would want to know.
In order for you to move on.
Then what could I do?
All these misery.
I want take it all.
If you could lead a better and happier life without me.

Firstly, I'm back!
It feels so good to be back.
I can't wait to meet up with everyone.
I can't wait to go for dance classes.
The trip was pretty fun.
It's a great experience.
And i know I'm just extremely lucky to have such opportunity.
And I'm ready to face other challenges that come my way.

Attachment.
Today is my first day of attachment.
So far, I haven't been doing anything constructive.
But I know sooner or later, I will have tons of work to do.
And time will pass faster then.
20 weeks to go.

Funka is postponed to next year.
Happy because it doesn't clash with my attachment.
Thus, I will be able to fully concentrate on it when it comes.
Not so happy because I guess I just haven't been joining competitions since Danzation.
And I'm all itching to dance with my favorite people on stage again.
Haha.

Coming to term with myself.
Spare me.
Please.

It's all over

If this is an act.
Please stop it.
And spare me.
If this is a way to get back at me.
You've won.
I just hope you could stop it before i go berserk.
I thought I knew you.
Or I guess I thought I used to know you.
BUt in the end.
Everything seems pointless.
What we had seems so blur.
It made our past seems empty.
As much as I felt sorry for things that I did.
Or didn't do.
As much as I had apologized for everything that is my fault.
Or it isn't my fault.
As much as I tried to my very best (not yours) for things to be better.
I am disappointed all the same.
Even if what we are now is not what we used to be.
It doesn't matter.
Cos i'm disappointed with what we used to be.
Nevertheless, you can do whatever you feel like doing.
And I won't stop you anymore.
Cause as far as I'm concerned, it's not worth the effort.
For the last time, I'm sorry.
As for now.
I hope the best for you.
Because if this is to continue.
I will definitely hate myself if there's a time when i start 'hating' you.
Good luck.
And as far as I'm concerned.
You are still someone who have made a lot of difference in my life.
Even if you don't feel the same anymore.
Or ever felt that way.
Bye.

I miss Singapore.
I hope I'll be back soon.

11 more days to go.

TAIWAN.

6 Days passed by
13 more days to go.

I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
you. you. you.

Hope you guys miss me too.
:)