Woken up from the annoying sound of the alarm clock.
Was about to get off my bed to go the bathroom.
And I realized I couldn't freaking move my back.
Well I could. But the pain was killing me.
Damn. And I couldn't seem to find my back support as well.
So I stayed on bed for the next 2 hours.
Before I could sit up and grab the "Rosedon" gel.
And rubbed it on my back.
I know a day's rest is never enough.
But sometimes we just can't help it.
Not when things are coming so close.
And that opportunities opened.
The only thing I could do is hope and stay focus.
And of course lots of rest possible.
Medicine. Theraphy. Etc.
Hope the pain'll go away for the next few weeks.
At least.

So I stayed home today.
Spending most of my time on the bed.
Reading through old magazines and a few rounds of Sudoku.
When the pain slowly goes away.
Got up. Got in front of my laptop.
And watched a whole loads of SYTYCD Australia Videos.
Pretty entertaining. Pretty good dancers.
A few good routines.
Still prefer the US version.
But I prefer the songs used in the Australian version.
More now. More new. More hip. More cool.
A lot of great routines.
Especially love these two. SO enjoy. =)





The FSV Graduates are having a BBQ party.
Couldn't go.
Sorry. Hoped you guys had fun.
And I do hope we could get to meet up now and then.
One way or another.
Good luck for everything guys. =)

So this week no more Beatles' songs and I'm so glad because this is a much better show compared to the past 2 weeks. So yay! I generally enjoyed all the performances and this is definitely one of the best Top 10 ever, even with Kristy Lee in it. The two Davids are still the frontrunners I think, but the tide is turning towards Cook more than Archuleta, that of course includes me. Ramiele still disappoints, Kristy Lee plays it smart and Carly's forgettable.

10. Chekizie - The only reason he's ranked below Ramiele is simply because I didn't know this song and I was a little bored by it. But having said that, Chekizie has a great voice. Reminds me a little of Ruben, but more old fashioned and less Pop-ish. BOTTOM 3.

9. Ramiele Mallubay - Nobody should touch "Alone" ever again. Carly sang it and sounded great and Carrie killed it and where's that left Ramiele. Behind biting the dust. She's nowhere as competent a singer as the 2 mentioned earlier. It was pitchy and shrieky, but I do love her low voice tho. Still, I think she should leave. POSSIBLE BOTTOM 3.

8. Brooke White - She reminds me of Faith Hill. Just a little more nasal. But like the judges, I really loved her beginning even with the screw ups. She sounded intimate. But I think she was flat during the faster part of the songs, which is a shame because she could have nailed this song. POSSIBLE BOTTOM 3.

7. Kristy Lee Cook - I love this song. And like Simon said, she's freaking smart. When she sang "I'm proud to be American" out loud on Idol stage, which Americans in their right mind wouldn't want to vote for her? And since Season 2 contestants sang this as a group, she would receive tons of votes because of that as well. She might not be going home, but I still think she'll be in BOTTOM 3.

6. Carly Smithson - I love the song. Love her voice. But overall, it was a little forgettable, which was surprising coming from Carly. She looked extremely nervous this week. That Bottom 3 placing last week must have affected her so much more than we all thought it would. POSSIBLE BOTTOM 3.

5. Jason Castro - LIke I've said, I will always love his performance. Because he's the kind of artiste I've grown to love and support. But he's a little predictable and boring at the week goes. And I love this song. SAFE.

4. David Archuleta - I'm beginning to question his chances of winning this year. I think he'll have it easy on his road to the Top 2, but he's getting more and more vulnerable as the week goes. I don't think it was as bad as Simon thought it was, but definitely not good enough for an Idol winner. EXTREMELY SAFE though.

3. Syesha Mercado - She's this season Tamyra, Trenyce, LaToya, Vonzell, Paris and LaKisha. She's my answer to this season soul sistah. So I'm glad she did amazing this week. But her video package comes across to me that she seem extremely spoiled since young. The popular girl who has everything she wants and needs. Love her, her voice and that performance though. SAFE.

2. Michael Johns - I would have ranked this No.1, but Cook has that pimp spot, so Michael will have to settle for the runner up position. And he actually sings 2 songs, is that even allowed? Anyway, Michael had a GREAT performance definitely. Although Cook is my favorite contestant, but I will have to give it to Michael being my favorite rocker this season.

1. David Cook - I officially believe he's a much more talented vocalist and artiste than Chris Daughtry. Cook has that sensitive, 'emo' thing going on, which Chris doesn't have, so I really prefer him over Chris. Cook is coming on extremely strong this season, but will a rocker finally win Idol? I think Cook might be the answer, but I'm still doubting that possibility. EXTREMELY SAFE.

1985.
How long life has taken me.

Passing judgement is a part and parcel of life.
Most of us know that.
But getting used to it and being able to get by with it.
Is a totally different story altogether.
I guess I've never been a keeper.
Be it towards myself or others.
Somehow I could not manage to hold onto something for long.
And maybe that's the reason why others felt the same as well.
I'm not bitter. Neither am I feeling sore.
I guess I have taken a totally different approach towards life.
That even I'm amazed at how I could let so many things pass.
Without having the constant need to dwell on it.
In the past, I would have let it affect me to the point of "insanity".
But I think I'm extremely at ease with who I am.
Where my life is at right now.
I admit I still have my constant burst of temper.
Now and then.
Unless I've turned cold-blooded all of a sudden.
I guess such 'events' occuring occasionally is rather acceptable.
Thinking way back of how I used to get ticked by little things around me.
I think it's only fair that I allow myself that little bit of 'ambiguity'.

Had a nice chat with Loo.
Got him to spill all the dirts on everyone.
Well. Not dirts. Just quick updates.
It's nice to hear all the little updates.
Be it positive or negative.
Nice to hear some are doing well.
Felt for those who are going through some rough times.
But I know that they know that my heart is always with them.
Once I'm more free, for the first time ever,
I will organized a get together alright.
I promise. LOL. =)

The past weeks been crazy.
Rehearsals after rehearsals.
But no complaints because I totally enjoy it.
Although sometimes my body is taking a totally different route.
I hope it comes back to me.
I definitely need it back for the next 3 weeks leading to the concert.
A few worries and uncertainties along the way.
But I guess I would always be on the right path with Ann's guidance.
Extremely appreciative being where I am.
"Helena" seems fine.
It's my maiden journey into such item.
It didn't turn out to be what I wanted it to be.
I guess sometimes visions have to be supported with mission.
But I'm generally happy with it.
And hope I brought something new to the table for myself and others.
"Showcase" needs work I suppose.
With 28 people, we need lots of practices.
Which is hard when so many people are involved in so many other items.
But I have faith. And It will work out fine. I hope.
And it definitely open my eyes in a different way.
"Can We Chill" is generally okay.
Didn't put in much thought into it.
So felt kinda bad for the dancers.
Despite Ken's enthusiasm. LOL. But thanks.
But I'm drained. Totally.
WORK HARD.
AND WE WILL MAKE IT.

Love.
Fredy

I love the Beatles. But please no more Beatles' songs. It kinda gets on my nerves now. Anyway, it's a generally boring show for the Top 11. Bring back the Country Week, Big Band Week, Soul Week, Billboard #1 week, Current Hits week, British Invasion Week, or whatever Weeks but no more Beatles/Paul McCartney Week. Grrr...

11. Ramiele Malubay - It takes ALOT to be ranked lower than Kristy Lee Cook and Ramiele just did. From the hat, to that whatever "suit" she was wearing, to the song, to the "dancing", to the "pouting". It's horrible. Talent show? BOTTOM 3 (warning)

10. Kristy Lee Cook - She has a nice voice. The song's a little too low. Hate the dress. Extremely whiny. Too nasal. BOTTOM 3

9. Chikezie - Last week was good, this week was blah. Reminds me of Rickey Smith of Season 2 and it's not a good thing. BOTTOM 3

8. Brooke White - For the first time, I think Brooke's out of her element. She looked so awkward without a musical instrument in front of her. She's an artiste artiste. She won't be a celebrity, this competition is not for her. DANGER.

7. Amanda Overmyer - I liked her this week more than last week, but it's not saying much. But I love her reply to what Simon commented, so I applaud her for that. I think she's SAFE FOR NOW.

6. Carly Smithson - The problem I have with her is when she always cringe her face, widens her mouth to the extreme when she tries to hit the high notes. I like it. Never heard of the song, but I think it's emotional enough. SAFE.

5. Jason Castro - I like the term "sing-song" used on him. He makes you feel that way. I'll always enjoy his performances. I think. But he'll never be a real contender. SAFE for now.

4. Michael Johns - I think he missed most of the high notes, which sucks because if he did not, it'll be my favorite performance of the night. He's so high in ranking, simply because I love that huskiness tone to his voice and this is probably ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS OF ALL TIME. Going with my gut. SAFE for now.

3. Syesha Mercado - I LOVE this song as well. And I agreed that this song might have suited Brooke better. But Syesha looked amazing. Kinda look like Rihanna in a weird way. But I love it. SAFE.

2. David Cook - It's tough deciding on the two Davids. But Cook is second only because he seems a little too smug tonight. I didn't like that voicebox thing. I think it's cool, but not for an Idol performance. But he's definitely riding on the big wave he has created. EXTREMELY SAFE.

1. David Archuleta - The perfect song choice for him. It's rich, it's soulful, it's emotional. So what if he sings another ballad, when you could give a hair raising performance like this, then it should be done more often. But I don't think he's a one trick pony so that Top 2 is still secured. EXTREMELY SAFE.


//*Edit
Let it be.

WHAT GIVE YOU THE FUCKING RIGHT TO EVEN SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ANYONE?
YOU DON'T KNOW A SHYT!
COS YOU'RE SUCH A LOW LITTLE PERSON!
YOU'RE NOT EVEN WORTH LIVING IN THIS PLANET!
YOU'RE SUCH A PATHETIC AND INSECURE LITTLE PERSON.
THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU.
WHY COULDN'T YOU SEE THAT?
WHY DON'T YOU CUT YOUR OWN WRIST?
MAYBE HANG YOURSELF?
JUMP OFF THE BUILDING?
JUST KILL YOURSELF. SERIOUSLY.
THE WORLD WOULD BE A MUCH SWEETER PLACE FOR ME.
WHAT A FUCKING HYPOCRITE.
YOU'RE SO FUCKING IRRITATING.
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST CUT YOUR TONGUE AWAY.
TALKING, YAPPING LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW.
YOU FREAKING SON OF A BITCH.
WHO IS SO SHELTERED THAT DON'T EVEN NOTICE HOW MUCH OF A SORE LOSER YOU REALLY ARE!
IF YOU WERE TO DANCE MORE THAN YOU FREAKING TALKING CRAP AND GOSSIP.
YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER.
BUT EVEN THEN, YOU'RE SUCH A FREAKING TALENTLESS LITTLE PIG.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN WORTH IT!
FUCK.
AND YES.
I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU WHO THINK YOU GOT WINGS!
YOU FUCKING RETARD.
TELL ME STRAIGHT TO MY FACE IF YOU HAVE BALLS.
BUT I'M SURE YOU DON'T.
COS YOU GOT FUCKING EYES SO SMALL.
YOU GOT FUCKING BIG BELLY.
YOU'RE FAT.
YOU'RE UGLY IN ALL MEANING OF THE WORD.
PATHETIC.

So I was super excited about getting home to get my dose of American Idol today. It's the TOP FREAKING 12!!!!! And I was bored to tears. OMG! What happened to the best Top 12 ever on AI? Basing on this week's performances, it's not even close to the talent level of Season 5. But nevertheless, I sat through the whole show, but thinking about "Can We Chill" rehearsal for tomorrow. And when the show could not engage me fully, then I know I'm totally disappointed. Nevertheless, I'm still gonna crap on on the performances from the worst to the best.

12. Kristy Lee Cook - OMG! *eyes popped out* boring as hell. totally butchered the song. I don't understand the sudden 'country'-fied Kristy. You're no Carrie and will never be. BYE!

11. David Hernandez - I knew he's gonna stumble at the big stage. The voice is so monotonous. I felt like strangling him, so that he can sound a little like Daffy Duck. Maybe that'll be more interesting. BOTTOM 3!

10. Ramiela Mallubay - Totally snooze inducing. Nothing much to say. BOTTOM 3!

9. David Archuleta - WOW! WOW! I couldn't believe this at all. Peaking too fast too soon? Forgetting the lyrics. not once. not twice. But THRICE! That's a record on AI! I still think he's a lock, but a rather shaky one for now. And performing last is always a good thing. EXTREMELY SAFE though!

8. Amanda Overmyer - SAFE for now. Next.

7. Syesha Mercado - Another favorite stumbling. =( Like the performance. But being middle pack is not a good thing for someone like her. She could go Nadia Turner's way. And I don't want that! SAFE for now. (Bottom 3 warning!)

6. Chekizie - I like it. quite alot. Yet he ended up only here. I don't know what's in him that's lacking that I just couldn't thoroughly appreciate. SAFE for now.

5. Michael Johns - Appearantly I like his performance more than the judges. But I agreed he's playing it safe and hasn't impressed me all that much. But I love the song "Across the Universe". SAFE.

4. Jason Castro - I think I'll never dislike a single performance from him. Just because his style is what I love musically. But his problem is that his voice is a little thin. I'm afraid he'll be exposed. soon. SAFE.

3. Carly Smithson - WOW! What a voice. But I don't really like the song. And I can't totally place her any higher simply because I'm sure she has done this song thousands of times. EXTREMELY SAFE.

2. Brooke White - Extremely talented. Guitar. Piano. I'm hoping she would come out with a Violin and sing Vanessa Mae or The Corrs or Norah Jones. I love her musically. Her voice a little too nasally for my liking. But unique and that song is one of my favorites. That's why she's EXTREMELY SAFE.

1. David Cook - WOW! WOW! Totally reminds me of Daughtry, but doesn't have that much conviction yet. But definitely my favorite as of now. EXTREMELY SAFE!

I'm hoping for a better show next week. Positive as ever. =)

Take a step at a time.
Most of the time is not always about the result.
It's more on the progress. The Process.
That's what most valuable in the long run.
Time and time again.
I wanna ask.
I wanna request.
I wanna beg.
To start afresh.
I'm hoping for that second chance that might make a difference.
But......

Finally, AI7 Top 12 is revealed.
Excited. In 11 weeks time, we get a new winner.
But American Idol is never about the winner.
It's all about the journey.
I have been pretty slow picking up my favorites this season unlike other seasons.
There are a few names that have been on my radar.
Some have impressed me more than the other.
So here's the order: (as of now)

1. David Cook - Amazingly talented. Understated. Subtle. Hope he gets far.

2. David Archuleta - Amazingly talented. Should stop with all the
giggling. But a lock for Final 2. Hope he doesn't screw up.

3. Jason Castro - Don't think much of his chances of winning. But he's the kind of singer/musician/artiste that I'll support.

4. Syesha Mercado - The black female representative for me. I love my soul sistas. =)

5. Brooke White - Just Like Jason Castro, she's the kind of singer/musician/artiste that I'll support.

6. Carly Smithson - Big voice. Not my cup of tea anymore, unlike previous years.

7. Michael Johns - Not as impressed as the weeks past. But I like that rock/soul thing that he has going.

8. Ramiele Mallubay - Big voice. Hope she doesn't turn out to be another Jasmine Trias. Cute though.

9. David Hernandez - Kinda boring for me. Has a good voice. Don't do anymore Celine/Whitney/Mariah/Barbra/any other female songs. Phuurrrrrleeease.

10. Amanda Overmyer - I love her. But I couldn't put my whole heart into someone who sings without much emotion.

11. Chekizie - Soul, R&B representative. Would have done well in previous seasons. But he lacked the charisma. He'll go soon.

12. Kristy Lee Cook - BORING as hell. The only good thing about her is that rendition of "Amazing Grace" during her first audition.

Who's your favorite? =)

Everyday I stay up at night.
Wishing......
... that someone with big black wings could take my hand.
And get me up into the sky.
To let me fall.

I think the idea that school is finally over has not sunken in just yet.
For many years, I've used "Student" to many of my advantages.
Being thrown into reality so sudden seems like a hell-hole.
For once, I'm actually afraid of what's coming for me.
Not many would understand the feeling of being alone.
Being alone doesn't equal to being lonely.
Not in a million years will I ever be lonely.
Because I choose not to be.
But the idea that the support, the backing that you once got so relentlessly,
Will be gone right from this very instance.
Is beyond anything else that I could ever take.
Suddenly, I'm so frightened.
So afraid that what is in store for me is not what I have expected.
So afraid that I would not be able to meet all the expectations.
So afraid that I've had the best care, yet become the most useless one.
So afraid that I would disappoint.
Sometimes, I just want to run away or rather run back.
Back to where I would feel most comfortable.
But that comfort zone is way beyond my limit now.
Because I chose to forsake it long ago.
Now I just have to suck it all up.
And finally act my age.

There's so much in my mind now.
It's crazy to even think how I did not just explode.
But hey if I were to explode,
I would have long ago.
Sometimes you just need yourself to keep your sanity.
"You'll never be lonely if you learn to befriend yourself".
We rely too much on others.
We thought we would never be able to survive without the existence of others.
But nobody would ever stop and realize how strong they really are.
How strong they could actually be.
We're all too comfortable with what we have.
With the existence of others around us.
We sometimes even take that for granted.
Yet, what's most important is to realize how much you could achieve by yourself.
Noone is confident enough all by themselves.
That is exactly what is lacking and missing in most of us.
Understand yourself. Befriend yourself.
Learn about yourself. Think for yourself.
And be yourself.

You're in my prayer.
If I could rush back for you now, I would.
You know how much I love you.
You know. Stay strong. Please.