It's just one of those days which endless gibberish are running through my mind.
I want it to stop, but it ain't stopping.
If this stays one, I might burst tonight. Godamnit. Go away!

People say noone could live alone. Entirely alone.
Company is relevant for one's survival.
I don't disagree with that for the most part.
Because I do think human is always searching for that "perfect" someone as company.
That someone to be a wife/husband, girlfriend/boyfriend, bestfriend/worstenemy, etc.
And as much as I try not to deal with the 'normal' human behaviour,
I got sucked into it once in a while.
But then I suddenly asked myself.
Am I really looking for someone to be my friend? my soulmate?
Yes, to have someone who understand you unconditionally would take a load off anyone's chest.
Then I realize, that someone will always remain a someone 'else'.
It's an else, not a self.
Then it strikes me.
Maybe, all along all these years, I'm not looking for someone else or anyone for that matter.
I'm just looking for a myself. A parallel me. A "different" yet myself me.
Only then, you could find comfort in believing, trusting whatever relationship and bonds that's been created.
I know it's impossible, that's why life sucks.
That's why noone could truly say their happy with whatever that they have.
That's why noone believes all the mysteries life bring.
That's why I'm miserable on the most part all my life.

Then, I found solace in reading someone else's blogs/journals.
Someone who might be a complete stranger or someone whom I'm not close with.
Reading about their insights on their own life and life in general and the world.
How life/insights could be affected because of all sorts of reasons.
From family background, culture, nationality, race, and so much more.
Those things then bring a certain closeness to them to me indirectly.
Which is really weird because I don't usually feel that way to anyone at all in particular.
Yet that animosity is a way of openning one up when noone else notices.
Life is a mystery but there's nothing to grab hold onto.
While human is also a mystery and might be the biggest mystery of all.
Yet there's a physical thing that we could grab onto.
And that makes it all so exciting and interesting.

Honesty is an issue.
It always has been, it will always be.

Sometimes we all wonder how much life brings us to be who we are.
or who we want to be. Or we thought we should be.
Every decisions come with consequences.
Both the positive and the negative.
Should I be who I want to be?
Should I do the things that I had the desire for?
Should I ignore everything and everyone else, or just think of myself?
Think about what all of these will bring me?
Will that include satisfaction? Happiness?

There's so many things in this life that I'm afraid of.
Especially those that couldn't be seen,
yet you felt strongly about all of your life.
It's hard to resist something that is within,
fighting to burst out into the light.
Somehow fear always seem to overwhelm logic and sense.
It is fear that brings the closure, yet the certainty of a normal life.
Fear keeps us mysterious.
And mystery is the key to life.

Classes were fun today. =)
I've been teaching and teaching every week.
Not that I don't like it, it could be very fun at times.
But I guess I got to take something in.
And I'm definitely looking forward to that L.A trip!
I can't wait....
Tucker.Nick.Ian.Laura.
Urgh..Excited. But still a few more months to go.
=(

American Idol Top 11.
My Thoughts here.

Night, everyone!
Love.

O School is organizing a charity bazaar.
From: 18th March 2009 to 23rd March 2009 @ 1pm to 9pm.
So do come down and check it out.
Lots of stuffs from Tops, Jeans, Bags, Caps, Shades, Shoes up for grabs.
All from$5 to $50. =)

All proceedings will go to the Batam Tsunami Victims.
So grab the stuffs you want from some of the instructors' personal belongings.
And do some good as well.

Love,
Fredy

Why do bosses always have a negative connotation stuck with them.
I'm sure there are plenty good enough reasons to justify it.

I hate people who only knows how to talk.
I hate people who thinks by talking sweet, things will be okay.
I hate ....

and don't say "Ok" to things that you'll never follow up with.

For those participating in god-knows-what competitions.
There're just too many to keep track now. LOL.
GOOD LUCK and I'm sure you guys will do your best! =)
Will support if I have time..... Love!

American Idol Top 13. My thoughts.
Post is here.

I'm tired of always putting out a front.
I'm tired of always trying to hold everything together.
I'm tired of always making peace with myself.
I'm tired of always not able to match what my heart feels with what my head says.
I'm basically tired of staying strong.
When I have plenty of good enough reasons to break down.
I don't care if I'm being ridiculed.
I don't care if I'm being stabbed.
I don't even care if people see it as a weakness.
Don't judge me, when you have no idea all the craps that I've gone through.

It seems like I actually really don't have the ability to be happy.
And stay happy. Genuinely happy.
But what can a "strong" boy/man do in darker times like these?
Stay strong and be strong.
Even if your soul have completely left your body.
And of course a good night sleep with the idea of "a better tomorrow".
That might help as well.

"American Idol" has been going at it for about 2 months.
Haven't been really posting anything on it yet.
So here's my first.
Final is next week.
Instead of Top 12, this season decided to have a Top 13.
Yet 3 contestants whom I've come to root for still didn't make it.
Von Smith, Ricky Braddy and Jesse Langseth.
Love their voices and would have well in this competition.
And definitely should be in the Top 13.
More than some of those who have made it.

So Top 13, here are my very quick favorite ranking:

[NOT INTERESTED]

13. Jorge Nunez - Good voice. Not my cup of tea. Won't do well in the competition. Unless the Latins gang up and vote for him every week.

12. Michael Sarver - Decent voice. Reminds me of Josh Gracin. Not finalist material. Gone within the first 2 weeks.

11. Jasmine Murray - I used to love my R&B singers, but she just doesn't do it for me. Boring finalist. Weakest girl, by a mile.

10. Kris Allen - Er. Decent voice. Boyband-ish. Ordinary and bland. Not finalist material. Might do well, won't win!

[ON THE FENCE]

9. Anoop Desai - Fan favorite, but not mine. Decent voice at least he's wittily intellectual.

8. Alexis Grace - Kinda boring. Unless she's coming out with a newfound personality and a more current way of delivering a song. I don't think she'll go far.

7. Scott McIntyre - I like him. Sometimes I get all emotional hearing him sing, especially with his unfortunate condition and back story and all. But his voice doesn't strike me as astounding. But I don't mind him doing well.

6. Lil' Round - Again, I used to love my divas in the competition. But Lil'Round brings nothing new to this diva card. I can name 5 other divas from the past season better than her.

[ROOTING]

5. Megan Corkrey - I don't think she'll do really well in the competition. But I love her. She's definitely the kind of artiste I know I would love. A lil Missy Higgins, Adele, Duffy with Katy Perry mixed in.

4. Matt Giraud - Finally, an artiste singer. What he can do to his piano is beyond amazing. His voice is terrific. Definitely the artiste that I'll support in the long run. That bluesy tone to his voice.

3. Danny Gokey - That backstory of his made me cry for days. Seriously! LOL. He has that rough tone to his voice that I love. Definitely one of the front-runner.

2. Allison Iraheta - And this amazing ranking is based on 1 performance. She sang the hell out of "Alone". Love her and she reminds me of Kelly Clarkson and that is a good thing.

1. Adam Lambert - Season 8's David Cook, but a more dramatic and extremely crazily-talented vocalist. He had such a wide vocal range, it's crazy to hear him sing. A little Freddie Mercury, Steve Tyler mixed in with a little My Chemical Romance's Gerard Way and Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong. Definitely my favorite so far.

=)

Take a chance with this life. Put an offer on the table.
If it gets snatched. Take the direction it pulls you in.
Don't give up. Don't give in.
Follow your heart. Follow your dreams.
Reach your goals. Take a risk with your options.
Stand in the middle, And go with what feels right.
Only then, do you have an answer.
The answer to where you are supposed to go with life.
And don't back out.
Take the path with confidence,
And know where you are headed is where you are meant to be.
Don't ever doubt it. Don't ever question it.
Maybe everything will turn out brighter if we were to follow blindly.
Going along with what life would and could give us.

But we, human beings, are clouded with too much flaws and uncertainties.
So much insecurities to really see people/situations as who/what they really are.
We would never be able to see through a genuine heart.
We would never be able to sense a genuine sincerity.
We would never be able to see the bright side of things without going to the dark.
We would never be really satisfied with things.
Simply because we are so caught up in our own judgement.
In our own perception.
But that's how we all usually are.
There's nothing that could be done to change it.
Maybe it could be prevented.
But it takes one hell of an effort to change something within someone.

And I'm still here hoping my believes are not make-believes.
And that life actually offers more than what it already has.
And that we, human beings, are complicated, yet intriguing.